Be Selfish.

I always wanted to be known as the person who puts everyone else before themselves. When people mentioned me, I wanted them to say that cliche statement that goes along the lines of “They always put others before themself”. I thought that was the ultimate compliment. Once people thought that way about me then I knew I was finally doing a good job. However, that also meant that if they weren’t saying that about me then that meant I was doing a horrible job. A selfish job. Contrast is a funny thing and gets looked over far too often in life. However high you end up getting in a moment in life, you are bound to get just as low in a matter of time. So the immense pride and sense of accomplishment and validation I got when people said I am always focused on other people over me meant that when people didn’t say that then I had an immense sense of failure, disappointment, and disgust. Notice I said when people didn’t say it.. All it took was people simply not saying anything. My validation HAD to come from other people (but that is a blog post for another day).

I had this mindset that because I liked to help people that meant I had to always be helping people. Always doing something for someone. Always using my free time for someone else. If I got time for myself then it was simply my off day or a vacation. Other than that, I was always focused on others. I’m not saying that helping others is bad. I’m not saying offering your type to do something for someone else is bad. I’m saying that not putting yourself first thinking that it is a selfish mindset is one of the single most unhealthy and self sabotaging decisions you can ever make. I realized that far too late in life. I realized that far too burnt out on life. I realized that far too deep in an anxious loop of self depreciation. However, I’m now learning that putting yourself first is the best decision you can make for your friends, your family, your career, and yourself. If you want to be successful in your career, enjoy the weekends. If you want to be the best friend you can be, then say no every now and then because of your boundaries. If you want to be the best person you can be for your family, then communicate your needs and understand that they are valid. If you want to be happy and live your best life, understand you are the only person responsible for yourself and take care of yourself.

Sometimes you will need to put yourself first so that you can rest, heal, communicate, whatever needs to be done. After that, you will be in a better position to help and love others. Our vehicles bring us everywhere we need to go and we know that when it runs out of gas we need to refuel, but that isn’t all a vehicle needs to run. It needs an oil change and tire rotation every few months. It needs a yearly inspection to make sure it is running correctly or if there are needs that have to be addressed. It has filters that need to be changed and cleaned when they get dirty. It has spark plugs, headlights, and brake lights that need to be fixed when they take too much damage. I am the same way. Sleep at the end of the day isn’t enough. I need more. I need doctor appointments, dentist appointments, exercise, time to read, time to stay home and be by myself, time to cook and bake, time to write, time with friends and family, time to talk with friends and family, time to talk with a professional. These are not things that “if I have time” I will do. These are things that if I ignore, I won’t have anymore time. I need to stop ignoring myself. I need to understand that, to be the best person I can be for those I love and for those I want to help and serve, I need to take care of myself. I need to address my needs. I need to put myself first. Only then will I be able to be the best person I can be for myself and for others.