In Case You Were Wondering

In case you were wondering, I’m struggling. I don’t have good days and bad days, but days full of ups and downs. I hope for days with more ups than downs, but try to focus on the ups when it seems like a day of only down. No matter what I do, you’re always in my head. In case you were wondering, I still think of us. Passing notes, tag, Chuys, falling asleep on your couch, Sushi Wednesdays. Carbonara, All of Us Are Dead, Talk to Me, Ted Lasso. I remember it all. I hope for days that I feel numb so I can remember those times and smile. Sometimes I cry instead. In case you were wondering, I remember the last night. Where I couldn’t do it anymore and you couldn’t handle it anymore. I wish it could have been different, but I know it needed to be done. It hurt us both too much to keep going how we were going. In case you were wondering, I’m trying to move on. Trying to heal. Trying to keep getting better. Some days it feels like a step forward. Some days it’s a miracle I get out of bed. I’m hopeful of the future and have things to look forward to. In case you were wondering, though, I still hope for a call. A text. A note. A surprise appearance. Always in the back of my mind. I miss you. Miss the drive to you. Miss waking up to you. Miss calling you. Miss you. In case you were wondering, I miss you. I like to remember our good times to remind myself of how good it can be. Something to strive for. In case you were wondering, I’m struggling…but I’ll be ok. Eventually. Just wanted to let you know…in case you were wondering.