Living in the Valley

I’ve recently realized how much of my life has been “waiting” for the next event. Waiting to graduate high school. Waiting to graduate college. Waiting to get back to college from my summer job. Waiting to start my career. Waiting to get married. Waiting to have kids. Waiting for that next vacation. Waiting, waiting, waiting. We get told so many times that good things come to those who wait and while I think there is some truth in that, the waiting game can become dangerous and deadly. The act of waiting is not necessarily the dangerous part, but the next event part is. My whole life revolved around looking forward to something that I forgot to look at where I was. I was so worried about my place ten steps away that I didn’t notice where I was now. Eventually, my whole life was just looking forward. I don’t mean to say looking forward to anything is bad, but how do you know when you’ve become trapped in the art of looking forward. How do you know when that “waiting” has turned into an autopilot lifestyle?? A lifestyle where you aren’t really living your life, just “waiting” for that next moment. The in between is forgotten about in anticipation of that next moment. The answer, for me anyways, is you don’t know. It happens and you don’t even realize it until you don’t remember how you spent your free time. You remember vacations, big events, major holidays, that sort. You don’t remember how you spent your time when you were able to leave work early on a Thursday though. You don’t remember anything about the tv show season you just finished because you were really on your phone while it was playing. You don’t remember regular meals you made when thinking of what to do for dinner. You can’t answer coworkers about how your weekend was because you don’t remember. You don’t remember because you’re just “waiting”. I was waiting for work, then waiting to go home, then waiting for sleep, then waiting for the weekend, waiting for the vacation, waiting for the next moment that I would feel ok. Just waiting.

A close friend, who I shared this revelation with, shared a quote with me that I’ve adopted as my motto for where I am right now. It goes “while standing on the mountaintop is emotional and puts everything in perspective, we live in the valley, and we have to return to the valley”. I also recently followed an account on Tik Tok called @hubs.life who has the saying “Normalizing the Norm”. Both this quote and account have made me very uncomfortable which is why I have been leaning on them and their concept so much. The idea of putting a focus on my everyday life, the 95% of what my life actually looks like, the norm, the valley, put me in such a state of anxiety because for as long as I can remember (probably for most of my 28 years) I have done the opposite. I have not lived in the valley, but looked to the mountain. This country we live in constantly tells us to look to the mountain and work towards the mountain. I am not saying that working and looking forward to the mountain is a bad thing, on the contrary it is a very good and needed thing in life, but we cannot forget the valley. The joy is in the journey, not at the result.

So much of my time lately has been focusing on my valley. I am someone that appreciates the little things in life so it is ironic I have been ignoring the littlest of little things for a majority of my life. Waking up and having a cup of coffee with breakfast, changing into relaxing clothes after work, making time to read a good book, sitting down and watching an episode of television before bed, going to lunch with my brother-in-law, driving and listening to an audiobook. These are the little things, the small things, that often get neglected in the pursuit of the mountain and so often stop us from achieving the mountain. If J.R.R Tolkien taught us anything, it was that our world can be saved by the smallest of things.

Don’t take this as a post trashing on ambition and goals because those are needed. It’s not a post trashing of social media either (although the concept of social media and the amount of time we devote to it will be another post). This is a post simply sharing what I have struggled with for so long and what I have figured out about it all in hopes that it brings me healing or can help someone else as well. I don’t know what this will do, but I think there are much more reminders to pursue the mountains in our world and not enough reminding us to live in the valley. We need a balance. With that being said, have that cup of coffee, start that book, write that blog post, go to that lunch, see that movie, start that show, paint that painting, walk your dog, snooze your weekend alarm and lie in bed for five more minutes, do what you need to do. Live in the valley. Andiamo.